I opened myself up to the world, and my, what a journey she took me on.
The freedom to write and be creative is exactly that - letting the words and ideas fall onto the page. Writing poetry about emotion has been...fun. My imagination connects with my soul and it feels like I am speaking my true self.
Therapy is hard (on both sides). Yet, it’s had a profound impact on my life – from realizing how I process grief to understanding my own identity to working through pain and while growing and adapting to marriage. My hope for the future is that everyone has the access and the right to find their own space for recovery and restoration in the world.
Someday, I will tell my children about what it was like to live in a time such as this. I want to be able to share that story with honesty, humility, grace, kindness, and authenticity. I want to be able to say that my eyes - and my heart - were open. I want to be able to say that I did what I could and that I helped others as I was able. I want to be able to say that I was real and didn't hide how I really felt. I want to be able to say that I watched and participated as the world come together and figured this thing out.
“So, tell me, in your life what has been the lesson that has taken the longest to learn?”
When I am with God, everything is in balance. Everything is with perspective. And, any thoughts I have (positive or otherwise) feel exquisitely simple and yet equally profound. It is as though my spirituality is full of reminders of love, yearnings for compassion, and fierce dedication to hope. All of this, without any of my own internal baggage. It is quite nice.
Here’s to growing, learning, and doing it all with some humor, sass, and fun.
So, what, in this context does healing look like?
For me, it has been about confronting the pain, sitting in silence, recognizing the hurt (non-judgmentally), and taking power back over it. Just trying to identify what I feel in any given moments has been annoyingly slow (to be honest). But also, as I have been able to do this, I can move closer to a radical acceptance of myself.
I think God grieves with us. I think God celebrates with us, too. And so, I as I entered this call to prayer, I made a list of remembrances. It is my hope that by remembering, we can acknowledge that we will get through this. We know this because we always have.
Grief upon grief dances together, lies together, tarnishing the vivid array of color we once held. We weep, we weep, and we are afraid it will never stop.
I love a funny, good bumper sticker. Just next time you put one up, think about what you are putting out into the road, and therefore, the world.
Recovery, in this context, means living in freedom, even while alcoholism persists. Recovery means reclaiming myself and releasing the blame I have previously claimed. Recovery means recognizing and overcoming the damage it has done in my life. Recovery means letting go.